Expectations vs. Reality - Spring Break Edition

It was the week before Spring Break. In true me fashion, I found myself reviewing both Joey and my work calendars, weather forecasts, availabilities at AirBnBs and hotels in fantasy-land far-away destinations (because when doesn’t dreaming about Hawaii feel nice?) and more realistic nearby getaways (because the Oregon coast is always magic, even for a day and even if it rains).

I took Monday off hoping we could at the very least extend our weekend and head to the at the beach. I actually found a super cute place at Agate Beach (look it up) and almost booked it when I mentioned it to Joey. Of course, there were a bunch of real-life things that weren’t on the calendar. A car maintenance appointment, and a work trip for him. Not yet ready to take both kiddos and both dogs on a getaway as the only grown up, I turned my research into other things we could do just on Monday - the zoo, a waterfall drive, ugh - what were we going to do? For goodness sake - it’s Spring Break and it’s supposed to be special.

I have the fondest memories of this week, spent with my family at the Oregon Coast actually. With cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents all in a very crowded but equally wonderful space, spending time doing a combined amount of literally all the things and absolutely nothing. From buying a special barbie at the Rite-Aid (what a treat), to returning said Barbie when my cousin made fun of me for buying it (what a jerk) and all of the growings up that happened, each and every Spring Break. I guess I was looking for something like that for our family and I was beyond frustrated I couldn’t pull it together.

And then, on Sunday morning, Elsie fully orchestrated a sleepover at her Mimi’s house with her two cousins. She made phone calls. She asked questions. She called to ask permission. She called to update on plans. She packed four bags of games and toys and clothes for just 24 hours of fun. And I decided I didn’t need to take Monday off after all.

When I picked her up on Monday morning, she was all smiles and all stories. Her eyes were heavy from lack of sleep, and her heart was full from a belly of laughs that were had.

Because we’ve got to eat, I took her to lunch. She sat hip-to-hip with me in the booth and we talked about how much fun her sleepover was, and how much she was looking forward to a week with her cousins and the babysitter. I dropped her back off at Grandmas with her little brother, went back to work, and that was that.

My expectation was a full-fledged, chalk full of memories, probably expensive, lots of planning, getaway vacation. Our reality today was steak bites and lemonade in a corner booth. And guess what - it was all we needed. Because turns out our kids don’t always need the stuff. They don’t need the things. They don’t need what we allow ourselves to feel guilty into constructing for them.

The memories will come, regardless of where we make them. Because what we really need to give each other is just time and attention.

I asked my mom about our Spring Break beach trips of yesteryear. I don’t know what I expected her to say, because they seemed so enviable to me as a grown-up. But for her and my aunt, they just made sense. An accessible, dependable location, a community in parenting, and cheap (my grandparents owned the place we stayed in). It’s so weird, because my reality then baked my expectations now, but I bet sometimes their reality didn’t meet their expectations.

I say that because you know what? We’re all just figuring it out. And that’s the reality.

Time and attention, time and attention. In the end, that’s what we’ve got to give and that’s what we remember.